Well hello there fellow reader! It is already February. WHERE has the time gone already?! I am still mentally back to April of last year when I moved to Texas for work and family and then having all of my medical problems. There were parts of the year that went by fast and parts that were lingering and kept dragging on and on. With everything I have gone through the toughest of it all was losing my freedom and independence. Ever since I was little I always had my own bedroom and would keep to myself in all aspects of life and was pretty content. When I got a job with a paycheck at 16, I started to become even more independent. I stopped relying on my parents to let me have money for shopping/eating out/or other entertainment. We would go out as a family and I would start to feel awkward having my parents pay for me. I know a lot of people that would take advantage of the free meals or the money to go do stuff, but I became stubourn at a very young age and when I had a job that paid me I didnt feel it was right to keep taking from others. I love giving to people. If I have $20 left in my bank account I would still offer to pay for someones meal or buy them something. I hate saving money because I love giving back to people.
My good friend from Middle School/High School years just found out today she is having a baby girl. She lives back in Seattle, WA and I probably wont get to meet her first child until they come here to visit or I go back to visit, but I am already wanting to go shopping and buy her stuff and I have no money. Just my type of personality. I hate taking from others.; which brings me to my next update!
My great friend from my College years was in Dallas this weekend and I went to see her Saturday night (5 hour drive each way ACK) and it was an amazing time. Her and her mom have a Business together where they make homemade English Toffee. It is truely the best I have ever had. They have been really worried about me and my medical bills and getting my prosthesis that today they informed me they are putting something together to give me profits and donations to my cause for the month of February. They are still figuring it out, but I am so truely blessed and touched that they are wanting to do this for me. I dont feel right taking anything from anyone and I tried to back out of it and told them to give money to people who may be homeless or something and they said I need my leg and they are doing this. I was an emotional wreck all day. They are truely my guardian angels and such a blessing from God. I thought about getting a second job selling Avon, but with my job promotion and being back at work full time again I dont think I could possibly take on something else. As soon as I know the plans I will let everyone know so if you want to contribute to my cause you can buy some English toffee for you or family and friends/co-workers. You can check out their website in the mean time: www.loreleitoffee.com.
I honestly had no idea people cared this much about me. I am really shy when it comes to relationships/friendships and always think that they are only my friend so they dont feel bad for leaving me out. I know that sounds horrible to say, but I have had a lifetime full of unhappiness with realtionships/friendships that I just have a hard time knowing whats real. When I heard my friend wanted to do this for me I was so touched and so shocked I didnt know what to say. Maybe this is why I am seeing a counselor. Part of my depression maybe.
Well the last thing I wanted to say was how proud I am of myself for what I have accomplished this last week. As most of you may know I am wheelchair bound after losing my left leg from Cancer. I lived with my parents for maybe a month and a half, but I couldnt handle that much longer. I have always enjoyed my space and having my things and being an adult and independent. I really dislike asking people for things and having to rely on others to help me out. With my new Medical Issues and disabilty I rely on my family 70% of the time. I decided early last summer that I wanted my own place and I would force myself to be able to live on my own again with my new disabilty. I have done really well with it. Still cant do a lot of stuff around my house, but I am finding new ways of doing things, but it takes me 10 times longer to complete things now. I also would have to have someone pick me up and take me shopping, to my Doctors appointments, to work etc. As you just read I am the type of person where I hate having to bother people to do stuff for me or asking for favors. My poor Dad has been the gofer for me and having to drop everything to help me out. I felt like I was living in a jail and wasnt able to go and escape because I had no way to get out of my house. I can drive but couldnt put the wheelchair in my car so it wasnt like I could just get in and go for a drive or go through a drive through or get my daily Starbucks coffe. It has been extremely tough. Last Thursday I was home ill and it was really nice outside and I just finally said to myself, “Dani sooner or later you are going to have to stop relying on people so go attempt to put the wheelchair in the car and see what happens.” So I got prepared and went out to my car (which I have to go up a little hill from my door to the parking lot infront of my door) and use a stool for my left leg (amputated leg) for support and balance, then I folded my chair and lifted it in WITHOUT incident. I was so proud of myself I couldnt stop smiling. I then got my walker and got in the drivers seat and put the walker in the passanger seat. I showed up at work and my Dad was so shocked and so happy for me. I dont think he minded helping me out, but I could tell it was wearing on him. I have a lot of family here, but for some reason he was always the one having to help me, I felt horrible. I went on a long excursion for my first day of freedom and to some stores to return stuff. I was having a lot of fun. Friday came a long and I did my routine again and went to work and shocked my cousin/coworker. Saturday I went to the Zoo with new friends and a friend from High School that lives 10 minutes from me that I just reconnected with a week ago. It was a blast!!! After that I drove to Dallas to see my friend from college as I previously mentioned. I was so excited and proud of myself that I just kept going and going then this morning came along and I was so weak I had a hard time getting the chair in my car. Thankfully I have an SUV so makes it a little easier, but having to lift it up high is a little tough. I have a lot o upper body strength though with rolling myself around. I am looking forward to this new freedom even though its a lot different than my freedom before, it is still nice to get some type of normalsy back in my life again. I am also planning my 1 year anniversary for being Cancer Free to Vegas and I have a lot of peopl who want to go so I am super excited!
Well thanks again for reading my story and continuing to follow along. OH one last thing, I wrote to Ellen Degeneress and will continue doing so to see if I can get on her show and tell my CCS story and have my fellow CCS friends on there to get the word out there about other type of Cancers besides Breast Cancer and Prostate Cancer. I love her show and it would be an amazing experience to get the word out more like God wants me to do. Wish me luck! I will also keep this updated better and will post information soon on how to donate to my cause and to purchase the English Toffee soon! Welcome to February and we will talk soon! Feel free to leave me a comment and keep checking back as I do read them and reply! God Bless and Take Care!!!!
Love-Dani!
