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Thank you for viewing my blog. I wanted to create this for others out there to be able to see how my life is being affected by my recent diagnosis and life changing challenges. When I was diagnosed back on April 2, 2010 with a rare Cancer called, Clear Cell Sarcoma, I fell apart. The events going up to this point was that I noticed a bump appear on my left foot near my ankle and heel about 2 years ago. I consulted a Podiatrist who told me it was a Cyst and that it would dissipate and go away at some point. She said if it got any bigger to go back and see her. She tried to aspirate it at the appointment (means they took a needle and stuck it in the mass to try and get fluids out). Not once did they mention a biopsy. She was very adamant that it was a Cyst. I had never had one so really didn’t know what it was caused from or what to do about it. She told me if it bothered me I could consult a surgeon to have it removed. Let me back up for a second and just say that I have always disliked going to Doctors. I am overweight and every time I go they like to talk about my weight instead of the reason for my visit. I was disappointed with the care from Doctors in the past so I just refused to go unless it was something I had to do. I am also someone who dislikes taking medications. Even if I had a headache I would wait until it got so bad that I couldn’t see to take something. I know I know, I should have known better and dealt with it from the beginning. Anyways back to my story! For 2 years I had a mass on my left foot and it wasn’t until recently that it was hard to wear shoes and it was causing a lot of pain. Sometimes in the middle of the night I would wake up from this intense pain that would be shooting up my leg and when I was visiting my parents in Texas they said that we should go see another Doctor for another opinion. My mom said it looked a lot bigger, but I had no idea. When you see something every day it is really hard to see any changes. As soon as the Podiatrist came in the room he immediately said it was a Tumor and we had to remove it via surgery ASAP. I was an emotional wreck. I was so scared. I had no idea I would be told that. He said it was never a cyst and this should have been dealt with years ago when it came about. We left the appointment feeling empty. My parents were with me and we were like zombies. Hearing that it was a Tumor and had to be removed ASAP was definitely something we were not expecting. I was so afraid to go into the Hospital and have to have surgery. I had my Tonsils out when I was 5 but I don’t remember that process. After surgery they asked that I stay overnight for observation just to make sure everything was ok. I was in and out of sleep all day and finally about 1am I was looking at my Mom and she looked like a ghost was in the room. I asked her what was wrong and she then told me that they did a biopsy of my Tumor and it was Cancer. I hysterically started crying and I couldn’t breathe. Thankfully the nurse was nearby and came in to help me calm down. I kept replaying the whole week over and over thinking it was a dream. I really couldn’t handle any more bad news at that point. The week after I was sent to an Orthopedic Cancer Doctor who told me that because of my type of Cancer we need to amputate my lower left leg. I was in such a state of shock. It took me a few days to adjust to that and be able to eat and talk to people about it. It seemed like at this point that every day was going to be bad news. I started to have Doctor appointments daily with different Doctors and going in for testing’s like MRI’s and Pet Scans. After they removed my leg I was in the hospital for 4 days and sent home in a wheelchair. Currently my leg is still healing and I have to keep it elevated most of the day because my activity levels have decreased I am prone to more swelling and retaining water. After a few more check up appointments they told me that there are no active signs of Cancer in my body but they want to take the Proactive approach and do 6 months of Chemo. Again I was in shock. At this point I feel weak and like someone is sitting on my chest taking the breath out of me. This all happened within a 5 week period. I can’t imagine anyone else having to go through the amount of things I have had to do. I am so thankful for my Family and their constant support. For anyone who is going through a tough situation I really believe it is important to have family be a part of it and if it is going to Doctor Appointments or for other testing’s, take them along. It really helped me. They have been so strong through this whole process. As soon as we found out about my Cancer and the Chemo my Dad got on the internet and did hours of searching. We were really struggling with the decision to do Chemo or not. Because the last Pet Scan showed there were no active Cancer in me, we were thinking it was probably a bad idea to do the Chemo because it will really run me down and weaken my body. We didn’t want to do that and 8 months later I have Cancer showing up, I need my body well to kill it off. By doing the Chemo it will kill (hopefully) anything that didn’t show up on the scan. The scans usually don’t show anything under 1 cm. After getting a second opinion, which I strongly encourage anyone who has a tough decision to make on something to always get the second opinion just to set your mind at ease it really helped me, we decided we are going to do the Chemo. The Doctor wants me to do 3 days a week at 8 hours a day with 2 weeks off in between treatments for 6 months. I am really scared about doing this. I have heard horrible stories and just don’t want to have anything else bad happen to me. I was told I may not be able to have children and of course, I will lose my hair. My Doctor strongly encouraged me to set up an appointment with a Fertility Doctor to discuss freezing some of my eggs. There are people out there that years after Chemo can have kids on their own, but you never know. I am still young and would love to have children so this has been weighing on my mind. They also told me to go buy wigs and hair wraps before Chemo so I am prepared for that step when I need it. I took care of that the other day and I have to say I bought 3 wigs that are completely different and I think this will be fun. I am not excited about losing my hair. It is a part of me, but I am really trying to take the positive side of this. In life we are given obstacles and in my beliefs, God puts us through challenges to make us stronger. I know I will come out of this with a better outlook on life and different goals and will be a lot stronger. Going through what I am going through has made me realize that I can be an advocate to any others out there going through what I am going through. I want to be able to help them to keep positive and live each day to the fullest. I have been given a lot of great advice and one of them was starting this blog. It really helps to be able to get your feelings out there and then shut the computer at the end of it and get on with living. It helps you put all of your sad feelings and angry feelings down so you can write it down and throw it out the door and move on. I have never seen so much love and support from many people. I have been sent so many flowers and care packages as well as cards from old friends, new friends, and complete strangers. It really opened up my eyes to everyone that people really do care. Forget the ones who aren’t there and concentrate on the ones that are. Lastly, I want to explain why my blog is called Butterfly Times. When I was in the hospital for my first surgery, tumor removal, my mom was walking outside and saw a dead butterfly on the ground. She picked it up and brought it to my room. My Dad came in the next morning and showed me this picture on his phone of a butterfly. It was such a funny coincidence and we decided that my symbol through this all would be the butterfly. I ended up buying a butterfly necklace for myself and my mom that we wear every day. That is our angel and is helping us get by. I am free to fly and venture onto everything I want to do in life and nothing will stop me. I am the butterfly and going to do it all!

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