That came by fast! Guess when you are having fun and working hard time goes by fast!!!

A month ago I had my year check up and was told I am still GOOD! The one area that they do not test (leg) always worried me so finally today I got to have an MRI of my amputated leg. I believe I only have a few more months of monthly check ups and then I get to go less often the longer I am free. They want to be very proactive and kill anything we see or surgically remove it.

Last night I was reading my various of blogs that I like to keep up on and went to my fellow CCS Friend, Bret Hoefens page. I knew he had a couple of bumps reapear after he had his full Right leg amputated about a month ago. He just found out they are indeed Cancer. My heart sank. My heart goes out to him and all of his loved ones. I honestly thought it was me for a second when reading the news on his blog and couldnt help but become very emotional. It probably made it even harder knowing I am having my leg and chest scans (this morning) and results tomorrow. Made me really anxious that while laying on the HARD MRI table, I started to hyperventalate. A year ago was the first time and the last time since I had an MRI. Unfortunetly when I went in for it last year I just had my tumor remvoed and told it was Cancer and my Orthopedic Oncologist wanted to see how much he needed to amputate based on the findings of cancer that remained in me even after the surgery. I had to have a Pet Scan first and that was about a 3+ hour scan and then they did the 2 hour MRI. My back hurt SO bad that it hurt to lay and going through those tight machines and then the noise made it all the more worse. They had to stop the MRI machine several times last year and my mom had to come in and help sedate me with meds to calm me down. With knowing how it went last year for me I was very anxious going in this morning. Sadly, they remembered me. I felt very embarrassed and kept my panic attack to myself today.

I layed there thinking to myself that what if these tests do come back positive for more Cancer, then what?! I couldnt help but think what Bret and his family were going through. My brother was with me but I dont think he would understand or anyone else I know for that fact, what I am going through. It is hard for really anyone to relate and I understand that and am trying to explain it in ways that they may understand, but doesnt always help. I truely hope tomorrows tests will come back ok. I will ofcourse update this when I can tomorrow. Whatever happens I will do my best to get through it. Always a new day.


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